Mike Sinkovich Tells You How It Is

Stroh: Harnessing The Power Of Stroh

After my first scientific encounter with Stroh just over a week ago, I feel it is time to climb back on that gagging horse and carry out the next experiment. Large consumption, plus time.

While I'm looking forward to the fact that I only have to deal with drinking it once, I can still remember the feeling of it burning its way to my stomach. If I have time, I may investigate its multiplicative effects when other alcohols are ingested.

Research

I was recently informed that Stroh is the "Ribena" of the alcohol world. While this may be applied to this paint stripper, the good people at Stroh have the following to say about drinking it straight...

"It is not recommended for wimps, cowards or people of a nervous disposition. It is a courageous hedonist's sport."

...I wouldn't call getting pissed 'courageous', but it should be a sport.

Anyway, armed with very little knowledge, all of which originating from corporate advertising , let us begin the science.

Equipment

- What's left of the Stroh (about 1/2 of a wine glass)
- One bottle of water for the now known horrible after-taste
- One webcam set to take shots periodically
- Time

Method

An experiment was set up to investigate the effect of a large volume of Stroh on Mike Sinkovich's well being. The subject ingested an un-nerving volume of this shit, and proceeded to go about his work. The effects were documented by notes and unflattering pictures.

Results

Time: 12:26: Really don't want to drink this, but I'm intrigued now. Besides I've written this much, might as well finish what I started...
...so wrong. My stomach knew what was coming, and it didn't want any of it, so I had to let it sit in my mouth for a few seconds while I prepped myself for the big gulp. Similar mouth cooling effects as before, only this time my eyes began to water and my face spasmed beyond control.

It doesn't feel too bad now, I was slightly hungry before drinking but my stomach now feels very warm, if not slightly disturbed. I'm filled with a feeling of anticipation, waiting for the effects to kick in.

Time: 1:16: I've been working for almost an hour now, no obvious effects have manifested themselves other than a slight feeling of nausea and a little cloudiness. Maybe I needed more of it. I have joined Club Stroh in an attempt to get a free sample.

Time: 2:13: Stroh finally made it to the party. Again an intense loss of hand to eye co control but very little visual disturbance. Random thought patterns. I just spent the last half hour watching videos of the Jaws ride at universal studios.

I don't know why.

But I want to go on that ride right now. The shark gets electrocuted and everything. Look.

I'm going to steal some of my girlfriends archers, see what happens.

Time: 3:20: I emailed some guy who made a whole site about the different robotic sharks used in all the Jaws films. It's hardcore, even found some pictures of the Jaws ride empty . I have a strange thing with that, used to have dreams about robotic sharks when I was a kid. I want a robotic shark.

This Stroh thing is pretty good, the large dose removes the nasty drinking, although drinking that much in one go was fucking horrible. I hope they send me a free sample, try some of those cocktails they recommend.

Conclusions

A relative success and a step towards harnessing the power that I know lies in Stroh. If the taste could be overcome through some kind of distraction of the nose and mouth. Maybe smelling salts.
Quick, large volumes are the way forward, although additional drinks have yet to be investigated fully. I feel this is the next step.

But first I need to get some sleep. Tomorrow I will find a Stroh supplier.

Stroh: Preliminary Investigation

A few years ago, on a snowboarding trip to Austria, my friends and I discovered the legend that is Stroh, the 80% proof Austrian whiskey.

Recently my friend has returned to the promised land and brought me back a bottle of the offending devil liquid. I was intrigued as to what the description on the back label was, and a quick translation yielded the following results...

"Original straw 80 is an aromatiscer expression of best osterreichischer custom.  We do not drink grasp it pure, but after it if end time is of the everyday life angesagt.  Then it finds place in herzerwarmenden Jagertee, Punsch, Grog and other or also in cocktails"

...okay maybe not the best translation in the world, but the general theme is that it's not meant to be consumed as a straight drink. Since the last time I witnessed anyone drink a sizable volume of this stuff the results were, to say the least, impressive, I have been driven to find out how quickly this stuff will ruin your shit.

Equipment
- One bottle of Stroh 80
- One glass of water for predictable offencive after-taste
- A free day tomorrow

Method
We designed an experiment to find the time it takes for the concentrated alcohol in Stroh to have an effect on the homoeostasis of Mike Sinkovich's body. The subject consumed a self regulated portion of the satan piss at 20 minute intervals for as long as he could sustain consciousness.
The results were recorded and a camera was prepped to capture consumption where applicable.

Results

Time 12:00am: I just poured myself the first shot and spilt a tiny drop on my finger. To my horror I could feel my finger cooling as the alcohol evaporated off. What the fuck am I doing. Science, it's all for science.

Initial fears are proved wrong on first contact, my memory from Austria of violent gagging was not reconstructed. However, upon swallowing, my mouth grew suddenly cool then tasted of petrol. Violent coughing and retching ensued before I could bring the glass of water to my mouth. The after-taste takes about 4-5 minutes to subside but I feel this could prolong with further consumption. I will report back in a bit.

Time 12:40am: Jesus it's fucking horrible.

Similar gastric reactions as before but to a slightly less controllable degree. Facial muscles seem to tense and a pre-vomit style wretch shook it's way up my body. I feel this could end badly. I don't know how I am going to explain this to my girlfriend. Twelve minutes left to round three. I don't know if it's psychosomatic but I feel slightly altered.

Time 1:20am: Horribly violent reactions to this one, I am seriously reviewing the 20 minute schedule.

Slight vomit produced as my mouth didn't want to pass it down to my stomach, and forcing it seemed to induce a sudden kickback from my belly. A strange feeling of drunken-ness has descended surprisingly quickly, not sure if it is just in my mind but the usual motor-neurone delay has occurred.

Time 2:00am: Inebriation is quite apparent now, a shocking fact that in 120 minutes it can take effect. Not too keen on the next shot...

Oh god it doesn't get better, the wretch returned for this one, but the after-spasms lasted for a clear two minutes. Typing is becoming harder and burping produces a smell similar to sniffing the neck of the Stroh bottle. Not sure how long this can go on for before I vomit, I think I'll extend the next dosage to 2:25.

Time 2:40am: It seems that the worst part about Stroh is in the drinking. The feeling it induces is fairly similar to the drunk state experienced at the third pint, but with extensive loss of motor control. Vision is slightly delayed but not too badly compared to a hard drinking night. I feel Stroh is holding out on me, and that the full effects will pounce once my guard is dropped. As I type, symptoms are increasing in intensity. Time for next consumption...

The drinking is just not getting any better. The smell seems to induce nausea before it reaches my lips. Forcing it down past my mouth is even worse, I just don't know how I can drink any more of this shit.

I think Stroh is getting the better of me.

Time 3:00am: It's just too much, I can barely operate my phone to take a picture of myself. I don't even think I should, my face feels in a constant drool expression, typing is a long and painful procedure. I do, however, feel if someone could get me to a club right now, I could throw some crazy shapes down. I am concluding this experiment.

Conclusions
I feel that Stroh is better consumed in large quantities rapidly. Although the effects seem to increase with time, the regular contact with my tongue has proved just too much for me to handle. My mouth feels disgusting and I feel more pissed by the minute. I would recommend this stuff to a tramp.

My next experiment will be tackle a large quantity of Stroh and document its effects over time. I think I would feel more comfortable witht that format, and it would be easier to document. Right now I need to sit and not do anything for a while.